Dark Come Soon

Sometimes I wonder why I ever bother coming back to anyone or anything..
When others ask me for help, I do all that I can. I don't half ass anything..
But when it's me asking for help.. Asking for advice; for peace of mind and help achieving it... There's no one there...

This is my example for needing you to work with me..
I don't know why my mind does this to me..
I cannot always rationalize my fears.. I can't see logic in the dark, or light when you've got me blindfolded.. That's why I ask for help... But you "don't know what to say to me."

You're done trying to make me see reason..
You don't care anymore.

For no reason.

Sometimes, I wish I felt pretty...
I know I'm not horrible...
But...
I want to be better.
I want to be more..
I want to look the way my personality feels to me..

It's a Thursday...
and I'm rather sad.

Awesome.

I can't sleep and I need to write..
Typing is the way to go in the dark I guess..

I hate the distant feeling that I get from you sometimes..
If I have a reaction to anything at all... Literally, anything... You pull away from me and that's it. I don't exist. You just fall asleep' that's your master solution. Somehow you're able to do it just like that, and then I'm left wide awake with my head in a million different places and I can't fucking stand it...

I can't control it if I'm going to have a reaction to something. What am I supposed to do? Just be a robot and not feel anything? Not react, or have a response like a normal person? Believe me, if I could just... not care.. about anything? Oh, I'd jump on it. You've taught me that not caring is the way to go, I guess..
It's usually your method to life...
So I suppose if it works for you it might as well work for me too right?

.................................................


I don't like this game anymore....